*Please understand that I am not complaining about being pregnant and feel totally grateful that I am. This is a hard phase in life for all women and we deserve to vent and express our feelings as well.
The third trimester of pregnancy is an exciting one and a hard one. On one hand me meeting this new little person growing in me is getting SOOOO close and I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl! Plus snuggling a newborn is seriously one of the best things EVER and my older kids are excited to meet their new sibling as well (especially my girls). It's hard though because I'm carrying around a watermelon sized belly, I can't bend over, I get winded getting up, and my hormones are making me crazy. Seriously crazy. I swear every little thing bothers me to the point I can't let it go and I seriously want to burn all the clutter in my house whether it's important or not because I have spring fever AND I'm starting to nest. Top that with not being able to exercise everyday and watching the scale hit 206 lbs (ya that happened today). I seriously had my plan to exercise during this entire pregnancy but as life has it that was not meant to be. I go for a walk to get some Vitamin D when I'm feeling decent but after said walk I'm seriously down and out for like 3 days puking. If you know me and how I love to be active you know that this is hard for me!
Body image hardships are cropping up as well. I hate knowing how much I weigh and I hate how much I let it get to me. I seriously feel like a whale even though this has been my healthiest pregnancy to date. I know that I'm supposed to gain weight and such but I certainly don't have to be happy about it (although I'm very happy for a healthy baby). Feeling sick and huge can really have a hard effect on a persons mental status, even if they've been working on getting it to a better place. There are days that I wish I could just cry and watch my favorite TV shows but I can't do that because it won't help me feel better. Not only that but it doesn't send out the message I want to my kids for when things are tough. I want them to know that it's okay to feel bad/mad/frustrated etc. but try and find a way out of it. For me it'll be when I can work out without puking at the end of it and sleeping on my stomach (seriously). I have to be patient for those things and until then I can try and find things that help me feel better.
We all have a choice. We can feel bad for the circumstances that we're in and how hard things are and stay in that frame of mind OR we can accept what we're going through, see what we can and can't change then work on what we can change to make our circumstances better. For me I try to get out each day to smell my horses, the hay and give my dog a hug...does it always happen-no and on those days there are things that come up that are out of my control.
Being 206 lbs. (and however much I end up weighing before this bundle gets here) doesn't define me. I can still work on being as healthy as I can and encourage my kids to be healthy as well. I can still plan my meals/snacks, provide healthy snacks and meals for my kids, go outside with them, rest when my body tells me to rest, and exercise when my body tells me it can handle some. I'm not perfect and there will be days that I cry and say that I quit but I've learned that it's okay to have an hour, 2 hours, or a whole day like that...as long as I don't let it grow into a week, month, year, etc. I'm ready to live life...I'm not going to let life run me.
